Still I Wonder

I wonder who you would be,

If God had let you live.

Your life had begun – yet you died so young,

With so much left to give.

I guess it seemed selfish,

On everybody’s part.

You were gone – yet we held on,

To the beating of your heart.

Believing tomorrow would come,

And you would eventually wake.

How could we know – letting you go,

Was the only decision to make.

I guess the loss just overwhelmed,

And the pain finally took its toll.

I kissed you then – at the age of ten,

And vowed you would never leave my soul.

Here I am almost forty,

And yet there has never been a day.

In the mirror I couldn’t see – the reflection of thee,

Or for you I didn’t pray.

Occasionally I find myself wondering,

When I’m lost in my own mind,

If your life had been spared – and you had been there,

What would have become of mine?

I’ve heard about the growth process,

Mine may have been interrupted by your death,

Where a mother ends – and the child begins,

It began with your last breath.

Maybe it made me stronger,

Or it caused the weakness in me.

I’m okay – I turned out this way,

As I look forward to the woman I can be.

I keep you with me still,

As I pray you watch over me from above.

I may have lost the years – and cried the tears,

Still I’m blessed to feel your love.

Poetically Yours,

Robin Elizabeth Lawrence

11/27/2011

©2011 Robin Elizabeth Lawrence